Less sleep, teenage dramas, and better sex: 17 women on how midlife actually feels.

In 2022, there has been a lot of commentary about how celebrity women in midlife look: think Jennifer Lopez on her wedding day, Gwyneth Paltrow sprayed in gold for her 50th birthday, and Jennifer Aniston on the cover of Allure Magazine. 

But regardless of how your body or face looks after 40, midlife for most women is an interesting yet challenging period. 

For some, there are still little kids at home and ageing parents to consider. For others, it might be the start of a new career or the end of a long-term relationship. Midlife might mean knee operations and physio after years on the netball courts, or maybe you are training for your first ever marathon and feel better than ever. 

Rather than just focusing on what midlife looks like, we asked our Mamamia community to tell us how it feels to experience life after 40, 50, and beyond. 

Here's what they had to say.

1.'I worry I will be lonely when I'm older.'

"I pay a mortgage alone as a midlife single person, so I worry a lot that something may affect my health, which may then affect my income. I sometimes worry that I will be lonely when I am older because I never had children, so there will obviously be no grandchildren either.

"I feel a lot older than I did 10 years ago when I was in my early 30s! My life isn't what I expected it to be at all. However, I have a lot more self-confidence than I’ve ever had, possibly because I care very little these days what others' opinions of me or my choices are.

"I have three gorgeous nephews, all my close family live nearby, and I am very lucky to have my own house. For now, I want for nothing materialistic really, which is very privileged in these times." - Suz, 41.

2. 'I'm running my first marathon.'

"I have back problems, pre-menopausal issues which mean I am hot or cold, I don’t sleep as well, and I have bad skin. It just feels like everything is harder and I’m always tired - but I’m fitter than I’ve ever been, so I’m doing my first ever marathon as I worry I won’t be able to for much longer." - Michaela*, 42.

3. 'I'm happily single.'

"I'm happily single and 50 next year. I spent my whole life believing I needed a relationship and spent so much time in pursuit of that." - Heidi, 49.

4. 'My sex life is better than ever.'

"I wasn't expecting mid life to throw up as many physical challenges as it has. Issues with small things from when I was younger (knee problems) have gotten so much worse in my 40s and dealing with weight gain that's harder to control adds to the joint pain. But my skin is the best it's ever been, my sex life is the best it's ever been, and I feel smart enough to walk into any room and not be intimidated by whoever is in there." - Claire, 40s.

5. 'Teenagers are exhausting.'

"I just turned 52. I took up running last year and I love it. I'm training for an ultra marathon next year. I either feel on top of the world or at the bottom of the pile. It changes day to day! HRT patches are magic. Teenagers are exhausting." - Donna, 52.

6. 'I finally have no debt.'

"I'm 56, retired, and content. Finally, I have no debt. I've been married for 30 years to my best friend. Lost my parents in the last two years. Love my four dogs and my beautiful kids. Planning to walk the Camino trail next year. No menopause symptoms or awareness I experienced it (though obviously I have!)." - Virgina, 56.

7. 'I'm busier than ever before.'

"I thought that when I got to 'midlife', life would slow down. The years of running around after little children are long behind me. However, as a mum to teenagers, I am busier now than ever before - in very different ways. My kids are fabulous and they are all living their best lives. Though part of them living their best life involves me driving them there and back. 

"There is the constant worry about my ageing parents who seem to be slowing down quicker than I would like. There are all the other emotions that come with having older children. They are finding who they are in the world, forging relationships, and you are no longer the centre of their world. It is a shift in everything you know. Sometimes this shift goes smoothly and sometimes not so much and you are left wondering where you fit in their life (if at all) anymore.

"All this happens at a time when we are going through huge hormonal changes, so there is a melting pot of hormones in the house and this can bring all the emotions. Midlife is on one hand wonderful because the kids are old enough for us to take mini-breaks without them, and on the other it can be a huge but very different emotional rollercoaster to when my kids were little." - Kate*, 52.

Listen to Mamamia Out Loud, Mamamia’s podcast with what women are talking about this week. Post continues below.

8. 'There's so much more to look forward to.'

"I’m 50 and single. The mortgage is paid off, which I did all on my own. I still feel like there’s so much more to look forward to in life. I’m the most confident that I’ve ever been. When I was younger, I thought when I reached a certain age I was supposed to feel a certain way. Not sure what I was supposed to feel, I just thought I’d feel different. In reality, I feel no different from when I was in my 20s. I have the freedom to travel and go on adventures and I’m loving life." - Diane, 50.

9. 'More things are going wrong with my body.'

"I'm in my mid-40s with three kids, the youngest is three. My husband and I are both working busy semi-professional jobs and also studying. In a way, I feel more confident in my capabilities but I feel quite jaded about some things (like feeling taking advantage of by workplaces, or green-washing of things that aren't actually good for the environment). Health-wise I'm pretty fit and take care of myself, but more things are starting to go wrong with my body." - Anne, mid-40s.

10. 'I have a renewed sense of purpose.'

"I decided to do a PhD in my 40s. It’s a juggle with two youngish kids and an ageing father, but it’s doable. It’s given me a sense of direction and purpose for the next few decades of my life." - Nicole, 40s.

11. 'I'm enjoying the arrival of grandchildren.'

"I'm turning 60 next year but I still feel 40! I’ve been married for 37 years and I'm now enjoying the arrival of grandchildren. I am still working part time and loving the fact we have no mortgage and no children living at home. I feel more relaxed than I did with teenagers and school runs etc. Life is great." - Christine, 59.

12. 'Menopause sucks.'

"Peri and menopause sucks. The end." - Keiva.

13. 'I'm wiser than I was.'

"I feel like at 39, I'm on a precipice. I'm still fertile, as per my Anti-Mullerian test. Do I want kids? Maybe. But I'm running out of biological time. Physically, I look great because I work on my fitness. Mentally, I'm taking time out on a mental break. However, I have medical support and medical marijuana. Emotionally, I'm wary of saying yes to too many things, and recognise the need to protect my energy. I'm wiser than I was, and I'm grateful for my youthful experiences." - Liz*, 39.

14. 'I'm financially free.'

"I'm content and financially free. Happy in a long-term marriage. Still teaching. Child doing well. Living on a little farm. Interested in going off grid, minimising my impact on the planet." - Jo, 53.

15. 'I'm so happy.'

"I've just turned 44, and I'm knackered but so happy! I've been married for less than three years. I brought up my two children (to my ex-partner) almost entirely alone whilst working. (Unless you count the 48 hours every other weekend). I juggled this life from January 2013 to June 2022 when we moved into a house with my new partner and his 14-year-old daughter. She shares a room with my 14-year-old, which has worked out way better than we expected.

"We are a family of six on the weekends when my husband's 16-year-old son comes to see us too. If four hungry, messy, often unhelpful teens isn't demanding and expensive enough, we've just acquired a 12-week-old rescue puppy too. Our carpets are taking a bit of a battering, but we're all learning lots every day. We juggle to pay for food, bills, and petrol, but we've both never been happier! 

"I can tell I'm hurtling towards perimenopause. My hair has changed, my nails are brittle, and my skin is drying up, but I've found my soul mate to grow old with. We laugh so much and have the same goals and tastes in (most!) things. I'm so glad I've found him, and now we can both show all our children what a great relationship looks like." - Cath*, 44.

16. 'The future looks bleak and terrifying.'

"I'm post menopause by eight years, all of those years suffering. The medical profession has let me down. I'm living with osteoporosis that has left me with seven spine fractures from minor things like coughing. To be honest, the future looks bleak and terrifying." - Janice*, 55.

17. 'I am reminded of my mortality and that I'm next in line.' 

"Midlife is funny. I felt invincible at 40. I was the fittest and strongest I’d even been. But at 43, the real midlife happened! 

"I’m 45 now and midlife is just not talked about enough. I got hit by early menopause at 43. It's tough. I'm learning to let go as my 19-year-old daughter wants to move to the UK with her boyfriend from India. I also have mixed emotions in caring for my 73-year-old (divorced) parents who each live on their own. It also gives you a reminder of your own mortality and how you are next in line." - Marie*, 45. 

How do you feel to be in midlife? Tell us in the comments below.

*While these women are all known to Mamamia, names have been changed for privacy reasons. 

Feature Image: Getty.