'I posted about my fear of turning 40 on Instagram. The response wasn't what I expected.'

Turning 40 hits you like a brick truck, hey? I don't know what a brick truck... is? But I imagine it's heavy and sort of unpleasant and THAT is how I feel about the fact that I'm ticking over into a new decade later this year.

I'm currently 39 (that hurts to say) and I've been tentatively dreading it for a while now. Actually, I've been joking that I'm 'pushing 40' since I was about 37. It's not the number that gets me; it's what I've made it stand for in my mind. What I 'should' have achieved by 40 (and haven't); how my life 'should' look at this age (and doesn't). By 40, one 'should' have one's s**t together, right? Meanwhile, I don't feel like a 'real adult' half the time.

But the other morning, on a bright and beautiful and sunny day, I was melting into the couch, blinds drawn, doomscrolling (because I am... a Millennial?), and I came across a post by Dr Nicole LePera, aka The Holistic Psychologist. And it made me FEEEEEEL things. Good things and bad things.

One of the things was hungry, so I got a snack, then swiped my way through her carousel, which began, "Instead of 30 under 30, let's talk about... starting over at 40. Finding yourself at 50. Or getting re-married at 60."

Putting aside the fact that I definitely always wanted some sort of '30 under 30' award (that ship sailed a decade ago and I'm still dirty about it), you might've figured out that I have a bit of a hang-up around getting older. I know, I know... age is just a number, you're only as old as you feel (sir, I am sore everywhere, is this not how old feels?), and I get it. Intellectually.

But here I am, still having a freakout about turning 40 in a few months. So I was intrigued to see what Dr LePera had to say about what could possibly be better than a 30 under 30 award???

Watch: The number of people getting married for the first time in their 40s and 50s is on the rise. Post continues below.

"Our society has some very dysfunctional views on age," she shared, and I nodded along (wisely, because I am almost old and wise). "We believe that life is a race and that youth is the best time in our lives. As we age, we start to have more and more limited beliefs about what we can do."

Oooh, relatable! My beliefs are limited and growing more so by the moment! I kept reading.

"This is because of messaging that glorifies accomplishment at a young age. Without understanding youth, most of us don't yet know who we actually are. We lack life experience and tend to make choices based on approval.

"This leads many of us into relationships, careers, and situations that aren't actually meant for us. Then, we feel stuck because we view age as a limitation instead of the asset it is.

"Your age is a badge of honour... At any age you can start over." 

And with that, I quit my job to become a cat trainer. JOKING OMG YOU GUYS COME ON I am a dog person, yeesh.

What I did do was read it, read it again and ponder. I liked these ideas. Did I feel fully aligned with them yet? No. But I wanted to share the post that had hit me in the feels, so I did, with my own little caveat up top: "Been struggling a wee bit with the fact that I'm turning 40 this year and don't feel like I really have anything to show for it. So this is a nice different perspective. (Just trying to convince myself to believe it, but that's another story lol)."

What I did not expect after hitting 'send' was the number of other people — mostly women — who slid into my DMs sharing that they felt exactly the same way.

The ones who are happily married.

The ones who own their own homes.

The ones with beautiful families.

The ones who are running their own businesses, who are at the tops of their industries.

All of us nearly-40s feeling 'not enough' despite everything that the outside world can quite clearly see we've accomplished.

Friends, former colleagues (including some I hadn't spoken to in well over a decade), and even some followers I don't know reached out.

"I'm feeling the same way about turning 40 in July! Thanks for sharing this."

"I saw this post too, I'm feeling the same!"

"Relating to this!"

So... approximately nobody thinks they have their s**t together at (nearly) 40? But these weren't the only reactions I got. There was also the handful of people who have hit that milestone and had their own thoughts to share.

"Believe it! I felt the same way when I turned 40 (I'm 42)."

"I’m dirty on myself that it took me 40 years to figure myself and my path out, all that insanity and craziness makes sense now. Got great stories though!"

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Dr. Nicole LePera (@the.holistic.psychologist)

I'm not happy to hear that so many people feel this way, obviously, because it doesn't feel super nice. But damn, it's kind of good to know I'm not the only one.

The question, of course, is how do we convince ourselves of our worth? Because when I look through the list of women who told me they, too, don't feel like they have much to show for their almost 40 years on the planet, I could give each of them a pretty extensive list of all the amazing things I can personally see they have under their very impressive belts.

A colleague I spoke to ahead of writing this story told me she'd felt the same way about turning 40 — but now, five years in, she's actually loving this decade. All the good stuff about your 30s, she said — like having fewer f**ks to give, not caring as much what people think of you, making your own happiness a priority — is built upon, and life becomes "more intentional".

Because, you know... you're running out of time LOL NO, I kid, I kid.

"You're more aware of the time you have," she said. "What's behind you and ahead of you. There's a shift in focus to the present."

So, am I excited about turning 40 now? Um, no. You guys, come on. Be serious. But it's going to happen, and it sounds like, once I've jumped over that hurdle, things might be kind of cool on the other side. Even if I don't feel old enough to be considered a real adult yet.

How do you feel about getting older? Tell us in the comments section below.

Alix Nicholson is Mamamia's Weekend Editor. For more of her existential ponderings (okay, okay, more like a lot of dog photos), you can follow her on Instagram.

Feature image: Supplied.