'My husband left me when I was in my 60s. The divorce left me with absolutely nothing.'

When *Rose first met David, she says there was an instant spark. She was in her mid 40s, he was in his early 50s - both of them having gone through previous marriages and divorces. Within nine months of dating, they were living together.

"There was a really good connection between us. It took a while for us to decide to get married, neither in a massive rush. We married 10 years into the relationship, and we ended up being married for around six years," she tells Mamamia.

Throughout their time together, it hadn't always been smooth sailing - a few disagreements here and there, a storm out or two. Rose said her husband had the habit of walking out when a conversation got even the slightest bit difficult. 

"I simply put it down to his neurodiversity. He had the same habit when he had disagreements with either his kids or my kids [from separate marriages] as well," she says.

When things were good though, Rose said it was a relationship she dearly loved. They were living together in her house - a house she had previously bought. It was in her name and she had a mortgage. During the marriage, David began contributing heavily to the mortgage repayments as well, given they were now a solid unit. They also had all their finances in a joint account.

A year or two ago, David was gearing up for his pending retirement. Rose herself had a business related to weddings, but when COVID-19 reared its ugly head, it dried up Rose's income. It was around this time that Rose was considering her future retirement and looking forward to it. But her husband had other plans. 

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"It was really out of the blue, but he came to me and he was adamant I had to find a job. It was surprising, considering I was in my 60s, thinking of retiring, and we were pretty comfortable money-wise.

"I ended up getting a part-time job at the chemist. Soon after that, he then told me he no longer wanted to contribute to the mortgage repayments. I just figured he was in a bad mood that day, so to accommodate I started paying it and figured he would come around later. He didn't."

In December last year, things reached a head.

"I noticed a lot of mood swings. He would have hot and cold days with me - it was beyond his typical personality traits. One day I caught him sneaking around the filing cabinet. Only later I realised he had been pulling certain documents and getting prepared to go."

After a small argument over Rose's daughter's dog accidentally going to the toilet in Rose and David's backyard, Rose figured they needed some breathing space for a day or two. It was when he didn't turn up for a pre-booked anniversary weekend away that Rose knew something wasn't right.

"I called him asking where he was, and he said he was driving interstate. It was odd, but not completely unusual as we had been planning to relocate, so I figured he was going to look at property for us. Then he said 'I've taken off'. As soon as he had left, he emptied our joint bank account," says Rose.

The emptying of the bank account was also sadly not unusual. Throughout their relationship when there had been a tiff, Rose says David would often empty the joint bank account and then a few days later put it back in. It not only played with her emotions, but her financial security too.

This time around though, David didn't return the money to the joint account.

"Fortunately, I happened to have $10,000 sitting in a separate account. That's all I had now. The vast majority of that money has since gone to mortgage repayments and legal fees, leaving me with pretty much nothing in savings."

It's understandably been a really fraught time for Rose, and it's a challenging reality so many can attest to. Research has found that divorce has a significant negative effect on women's income, while men's income often increases post-divorce.

For Rose, the past few months have been spent trying to work out how David was able to get away with what he has done.

She believes he has a very large number in his Super. Given they were married, and he was the main breadwinner for a long time, Rose knows she is entitled to some of that money. 

Rose had to pay for a subpoena to try to find out exactly how much he had in his Super, as he has refused to provide a statement. Unfortunately, her lawyers have had a difficult time doing this - and Rose doesn't have the necessary funds to keep putting legal pressure on him. In the end, their final agreement has been that he gets to keep all of his super and assets, and she keeps her house (which she already owned and still has a $40,000 mortgage on). 

"I figure I'll now be working well into my 70s. I thought I would be able to start slowing down in the next few years. Now I know I can't financially afford that."

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Gillian Coote is the Founder and Managing Partner at Coote Family Lawyers.

Working with hundreds of clients over the past few decades, Gillian tells Mamamia that 'grey divorce' (an older couple who have been together for a long period of time) is well and truly on the rise. And in heterosexual relationships, she says it's often the woman who is left the most financially vulnerable.

"During marriage, it's often the case that one party, typically the woman, will take time out of the paid workforce to care for children and family and as a result retires with less superannuation," she notes. 

While separation can be a complex issue for couples of any age, divorce over the age of 50 can add additional unique complexities to retirement plans, superannuation, pensions, inheritance, wills and estates. 

"People who've been in long marriages often tend to be retired or close to retiring, meaning their ability to rebuild their financial position can be restricted. No one should have to struggle to make ends meet because of inadequate advice or knowledge during divorce when they should be enjoying a comfortable retirement," she says, adding it is important to get expert advice during these challenging times.

Now Rose is entering a new chapter of her life and recovering post-divorce. 

"Divorce can feel like a death because it's such a big heartbreak. And it's left a void for sure," she explains.

"I don't scare easily, but this whole money situation has scared the bejesus out of me. I've heard on the grapevine that he misses me, but I just can't live like that - worrying if every small argument or disagreement will have him running out the door and taking the money."

Right now, Rose is taking things one step at a time. Most days she feels like "a chicken with its head cut off running around". And it's certainly an isolating time to be left so financially vulnerable. 

But she wants other women to hear her story. 

"Throughout my life, men have left me in tight money situations. An ex-husband of mine left us in huge debt due to gambling. I struggled afterwards but built myself back up bit by bit," she says.

"I'm just reminding myself that I can do that again. And one of my daughters has been particularly supportive, and my grandchildren are just lovely. I've also started dating again. I'm now rebuilding."

*Rose is known to Mamamia. Her name has been changed for privacy reasons. A stock image has been used.

Feature Image: Supplied.