'Precisely no one understood the brief': A brutally honest recap of all the Met Gala looks.

Welcome to the 2024 fashion Super Bowl AKA The Met Gala. 

The celebrities have stepped out of their everyday jobs of being rich and famous to spend their time showing us exactly how rich and famous they really are.

And we commoners lap it all up. 

There is nothing better than having absolutely no authority whatsoever to judge a fashion choice, which is exactly why I think the best Met Gala opinions come from people like Fred in finance who has spilt coffee all over his shirt and asks questions like "What's a Doja Cat?" 

I, like everyone else, have some extensive notes, thoughts and feelings on this year's looks. 

Just to be clear, I am not a fashion critic... I've included a picture below on exactly what I look like while judging these outfits. 

Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have?

Now that we've established that I certainly have no authority to review the biggest fashion day of the year... I'm gonna do it anyway. 

Hold on to your mesh and corsets, it's about to get messy.

The theme of the Met Gala this year was chaos. Jk. But that's what it looked like. The theme was actually 'Sleeping Beauties: Reawakening Fashion'. However, the dress code was 'The Garden of Time'. 

If you're confused, don't worry. We ALL were. Including the poor celebs who had to play dress-up. Some went the sleeping beauty route and some went the timed garden way and it looked like we were watching two completely separate events unfold... It was beautiful. 

Apart from the celebrities not understanding the brief, we still have some looks that I need to discuss immediately.

Listen to The Spill hosts discuss the one Met Gala story no one wants to believe.

I'm starting this off strong by talking about the celebrity that everyone talks about at the Met Gala. 

Kim Kardashian.

Kim wore a very tight dress which looked amazing. However, she wore a little cardigan on top of it that apparently was part of the look but instead, it made her look like she was just freezing cold. I've never seen someone have more of a tight grip on something than Kim had on her beloved cardigan. 

Just when I thought there was nothing more to say about her look... she turned around and I screamed. 

No... I literally screamed. WHO FORGOT TO TELL KIM KARDASHIAN TO TAKE OUT HER OVERNIGHT BRAIDS?! 

The scream I scrumpt when I saw this...

I'm not sure who her hairstylist is, but I'd love to meet them because I just want to have a little chat. 

I know I secretly love a look when I stare at it for a long time. Isn't that the point of fashion? To make you look 👀. 

This is exactly what happened when I saw Michelle Yeoh. 

First, I was like "omg foil" then I was like "that seems like it would be so scratchy" then I was like "it looks like the sandwiches I pack for my work lunch that I forget about in my handbag," and finally, I was like "this is a slay."

I've never wanted to touch a dress so badly.

We then come to the hot women who know they're hot but want to remind us all that they're still hot even though we never forgot that they were hot. 

They do this by ignoring the theme completely and wearing whatever they want because they know they'll make headlines either way. And you know what? I respect it. If I looked like these women, I'd be doing the exact same thing. This year's hot women culprits were Jennifer Lopez and Emily Ratajkowski. 

WE GET IT, YOU'RE HOT.

Tyla wore a literal sculpture... 

“Tyla needed a lift” 😭 pic.twitter.com/fA16pnchej

— ➳❥ (@VintageVault8) May 7, 2024

She had to be carried up the stairs because she couldn't... move. The design was stunning, but all I had was questions. Like how did she get into it? What happens when she needs to go to the bathroom? If she drops something on the floor will she be able to bend down and pick it up? And most importantly, if she falls... does the dress give way to the pressure of gravity or is it strong enough that it'll make her drop down in slow motion like a bowling pin, forcing her to accept her fate? 

Sadly, she didn't answer any of these questions and now you have to live in the unknown as well. Apologies. 

Doja Cat dressed up as me waking up from a nightmare. Naked, afraid, dripping in sweat with tears streaming down my face.

On a serious note, this is the most realistic "wet-look" I've ever seen which makes me wonder if she was actually... wet. Just dripping away on the carpet. I personally, would welcome this level of commitment. 

Same girl, same.

It wouldn't be fair to not mention the worst offenders in Met Gala history... the men. 

Before you get your pitchforks out, yes there are a few good men who actually bring the vibe and look incredible. Colman Domingo, Ben Simmons and Wisdom slayed the house down with their looks.

I'm talking about the other men. The Chris Hemsworths, the Matt Damons and the Hugh Jackamans. The strictly-suits of the Gala who cowered behind their fabulous plus ones. 

The nayers (left) and the slayers (right)

I think we should implement a rule that if your outfit could also pass as an Oscars red carpet outfit... or something you'd wear to a wedding with a cocktail dress code... then you shouldn't be invited to the next Met.

I'm sorry, but fashion is a brutal industry and I have high expectations as I sit slouched on my couch in my studio apartment with greasy hair and toast crumbs on my pyjama shirt. 

Until next year...

Do you have any notes on this year's Met Gala looks? Let us know in the comments below!

If you want more culture options by Emily Vernem, you can follow her on Instagram @emilyvernem. 

Feature image: Getty.

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